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Beverly89
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PostSubject: Cheating   Thu Jan 24, 2008 9:31 pm

I need some help. Even tho I know the answer I'm just not sure and I need guyanesezone responses.

I have a friend, a very close friend. She's 18 and have a boyfriend who's 22. They've been together for 2 years. The problem is this afternoon as I was walking down from work to the stelling I saw her boyfriend holding a girl's hand. I know it might be just friendly or something but it doesn't look so. As soon as he saw me he lose her hand and I was so mad I didn't even said hi to him. And the girl kept holding onto his pants. I know she loves him, she just can't stop talking about him and honestly, I dislike him. He orders her around. I just don't know if to tell her or not. Its confusing.

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Alladin
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:02 pm

just be honest wit ur fren n let her confront him n see wut he has to say for himself.
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Dee
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Fri Jan 25, 2008 1:06 am

If I were in your place and it was my close friend I would tell her... I know you'd be ratting out her boyfriend.. but no one deserves to be cheated on! Then again.. if it wasn't a close friend I probably wouldn't tell... just my opinion, but it depends on the circumstances too.
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Fri Jan 25, 2008 1:39 am

lyin is gud sumtimes. but in cases like dis u shudnt lie. u shud just tell ur best fren wut u saw.. i mean look at it dis way if he really is cheatin n ur best fren found out u knew sumthing abt it. n didnt tell her she wud get mad at u.
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Fri Jan 25, 2008 11:16 am

Tell her. She's your friend and if he's doing that now and he thinks that he can get away with it he'll just keep doing the same thing if the relationship lasts til marriage. Plus if he's controlling now he might get worse later. I wouldn't want all that on my head because I would feel a little responsible for not telling her. After u tell her she can decide on what she wants to do but at least she'll know.

Hopefully everything works out for u... and her. Good luck.
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Fri Jan 25, 2008 11:52 am

See, it’s reasons like these make not want to know my friend partners who they are with, but back to the question at hand. You have to look at it both ways or from the following point of views.

1. Does your female friend know that you dislike her boyfriend?

Cause if she does and you tell her what you saw she’ll tell you that you’re just jealous.

Plus another thing is, if you actually tell her and she breaks it off on your point of view and the guy doesn’t appear like that you’d look like the fool and she would dislike you for a very long time.

If I were in this case I’d use the saying some things are better left on said.

I mean I could take one of my friends telling me my girl is cheating on me and take it cool and mess her up later, but not everyone is the same.

So if I were in your shoes, she wouldn’t have been told, but im not you, so you do what you most.
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Beverly89
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Fri Jan 25, 2008 9:31 pm

I have thought about it.

What if I talk to him first before approaching to my friend?

Dee, she's a very close friend of mine and I know how she loves him.

Alladin, she's not exactly my best friend but she's a good friend. But if what I saw was just friendly?

Flame_Angel, I'm scared.

Kevin you have some good points there however what if she finds out harder (if its truth). What if it hurts her more finding out differently?

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Alladin
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Fri Jan 25, 2008 9:53 pm

if it was just friendly then u have nun to worry abt but just let ur fren know wut u saw. if its nun ur fren wont be mad at u. at least u were honest wit her
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Beverly89
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Fri Jan 25, 2008 10:08 pm

Alladin, I'm scared.

She's nice, quick to cry and very easily to be hurt.
Most of my friends r hanging themselves, what is it happens to her? Then I won't be able to cope with myself.

No, she don't know that I dislike her boyfriend but I do tell her what he's doing is wrong, liking bossin her.

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Responsibility for all your actions."
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Flame_Angel
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Sat Jan 26, 2008 12:24 am

Beverly89 wrote:
Flame_Angel, I'm scared.

Beverly89 wrote:
She's nice, quick to cry and very easily to be hurt.
Most of my friends r hanging themselves, what is it happens to her? Then I won't be able to cope with myself.

Well, if u decide to tell her then be careful about the way you word it. I doubt u would say this but don't say "I think he was cheating on you". If it were me I would tell her what I saw. I would say I don't know if he's cheating on you or not but I just wanted you to know what I saw so you know". I guess it depends on whether she's an understanding person or not because some people might just turn on you and not want to talk to you anymore after hearing something like that. You should know her best and know if she would do that but if she values ur friendship and input she shouldn't. I know personally, if I were in ur friend's position I would want to know the truth even if it makes me cry and feel bad.
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Alladin
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Sat Jan 26, 2008 12:26 am

eh like flame said be careful how u say it. if u decide to tell her.
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Flame_Angel
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Sat Jan 26, 2008 12:31 am

Beverly89 wrote:
Most of my friends r hanging themselves, what is it happens to her? Then I won't be able to cope with myself.

About ur friends hanging themselves... firstly I'm really sorry to hear that. Secondly, your friend is a big girl and if God forbid he is cheating on her that's life. People learn from experiences like that even though it hurts. If you decide to tell her then let her know that you're available to talk to her if she ever needs anyone to talk or vent to. When someone's going through something like that having someone to talk to usually helps make everything a lot easier and bearable, especially if that person went through a similar experience or could relate/understand in some way or another.

Sorry I was supposed to include this in my above post.
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Sat Jan 26, 2008 1:55 am

Well if you feel she would cope with it in a suicidal way then maybe you shouldn't tell her. Then again, she's going to have to find out sooner or later... better sooner than later... And the bossing around thing... well that enough is problems without the cheating. If I saw one of my close friends being dragged down in their relationship I would have a talk with them, cause by the looks of how her boyfriend treats her, the relationship will only get worse than better.
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Beverly89
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Sat Jan 26, 2008 8:34 pm

ok, What if I talk to the guy first? To find out the truth. Before I told her wrong and I'll lost a friend.

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Responsibility for all your actions."
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Flame_Angel
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Sat Jan 26, 2008 8:46 pm

Beverly89 wrote:
ok, What if I talk to the guy first? To find out the truth. Before I told her wrong and I'll lost a friend.

He might just go back and tell her and then she'll feel like u went behind her back and talked to her boyfriend. Plus if he is cheating on her then I doubt he would admit it to you anyway. He'll probably just lie. Since she's ur friend I think it would be more appropriate for u to tell her what u saw and not him... that's just me though.

And also, it's not like you're going to tell her that he is cheating on her. You're just telling her what you saw with ur own eyes right? Just tell her the facts of what you saw, don't make any assumptions. Tell her what u saw (them holdng hands and him letting go when he saw u... the girl holding onto his pants after he let go) and that's it. Unless you think that you saw wrong... I don't see how u can tell her wrong info.

If it were me I would tell her that I'm not sure if he is cheating or not but that's what I saw and I would tell her to just be careful.
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Beverly89
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Sat Jan 26, 2008 9:08 pm

I plan on telling her Monday or Tuesday because tomorrow is her birthday.

Thank you everyone for the help.

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Responsibility for all your actions."
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CerebralAssassin
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Sun Jan 27, 2008 9:10 am

Bev something are worth letting people find out for there self, but if u want to be the person to break down the bad news to her, then so be it, remember. if she believes u and he perusades her other wise you'll be the 1 who she shall hate and not want to speak too, love is a serious thing, u do what u must though.
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Flame_Angel
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Sun Jan 27, 2008 12:50 pm

CerebralAssassin wrote:
Bev something are worth letting people find out for there self, but if u want to be the person to break down the bad news to her, then so be it, remember. if she believes u and he perusades her other wise you'll be the 1 who she shall hate and not want to speak too, love is a serious thing, u do what u must though.

He's right, there's always the chance that things can go bad. It's your decision to tell her or not. Since she's your friend, if it were me I'm just letting you know what I would do. You should know her best and know how she would probably react. If it were me and it was someone that I didn't know well then I probably wouldn't say anything but if she's a close friend then I would tell her because I think it would hurt a lot more if the relationship continued and she found out some other way.

In the end it all comes down to what advice you think will work out best for you.
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Beverly89
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PostSubject: Re: Cheating   Sun Jan 27, 2008 5:06 pm

Kev as much sense you have made, I plan on telling her because:

1. She needs to know and then she can do her investigation if she don't believe

2. If she hates me for it atleast I'll feel ok by letting her know what I saw but I won't tell her that he's cheating because I don't know that for real. I just saw what I saw and that is what I am going to tell her.

3. I think she needs to know by someone close to her than just her finding out just like that or by someone else and she'll break down then I, myself won't be able to cope with myself and I'll be with her in every step because this is life, this is what you experience in life. Always expect the unexpected even tho you know it will hurt you so much.

I don't know if I'll lose her friendship but what I know is that I'll always remember her cuz she was there for me when I was in that big problem and now I want to be there with her. And if she finds out because she didn't want to believe she'll be my friend again.

Thank you everyone once again.

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but it's the only way to live life completely."

"Remember the three R's:
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Responsibility for all your actions."
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