"MY RESPONSIBILITIES TO YOU AS A FRIEND:
1. When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard/**** who made you sad.
2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile, I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused, I will use little words.
7. When you are sick, stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.and then think about helping your dumbass up.
This is my oath. I pledge it till the end. Why, you may ask; because you are my "friend".
Remember: A good friend will help you move - - a really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel...
