Jokes

Subject: Re: Jokes Wed Jul 18, 2007 1:26 pm

Yes, I do think so. You're the only person I know use it.

Subject: Re: Jokes Thu Jul 26, 2007 9:48 am

ok then

Subject: Re: Jokes Sat Sep 01, 2007 3:58 pm

An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A. Visa.
Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz
Consul: Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camels
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul: Man,...isn't it hostile?
Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style
Consul: Oh...dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast!

Guest

lmfao hahahahahah omg dat was funny

Subject: Re: Jokes Mon Dec 10, 2007 4:20 pm

Beverly89 wrote:: An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A. Visa.
Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz
Consul: Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camels
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul: Man,...isn't it hostile?
Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style
Consul: Oh...dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast!

LMFAOOOOOO

Subject: Re: Jokes Thu Dec 13, 2007 11:16 pm

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

its not even that funnie but that girl is DUMB!!!

Subject: Re: Jokes Wed Feb 06, 2008 11:26 pm

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A
WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?

A: It's Braille for
'suck here'.

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?

: It's the same as a French kiss, but
'down under.'

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED
CONDOMS?

A: Melt them down,
make a tire, and call it a Goodyear ..

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED
AFTERWOMEN?

A: Because
when they come, they're wild and wet But when they go, they take your house and
car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES
WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?

A: Because
they don't have any balls to scratch.

size=5> Q: What
is a man's ultimate embarrassment?

A: Running into a wall with an erection
and breaking his nose

Subject: Re: Jokes Thu Feb 07, 2008 6:42 pm

Beverly89 wrote:: An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A. Visa.
Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz
Consul: Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camels
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul: Man,...isn't it hostile?
Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style
Consul: Oh...dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast!

Err... forgive me for not finding this joke particularly funny.

I don't find the US Embassy particularly funny either.. that place is no jokes.

Subject: Re: Jokes Thu Feb 07, 2008 11:01 pm

Baking funeral

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as "Brown-n-Serve," Fresh was an avid gardener and tennis player. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years.

Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy.

Te graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes -- conned by those who buttered him up. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. He enjoyed being prodded by his many friends who invariably poked fun at him.

Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and another bun in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Subject: Re: Jokes Fri Feb 08, 2008 9:41 pm

A blonde walked into the dentist office and sat down in a chair.
The dentist said "Open Wide"
"I can't move my legs" The blonde said. "This chair has arms"

``````

A blonde goes to a store's deodorant display and tells the clerk, "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband."
"Does he use the ball kind?" inquired the clerk.
"No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."

Subject: Re: Jokes Sat Feb 09, 2008 1:16 am

Lol some crazy sh*t in this place. Stupid blonde....

Oh wow...beverly for someone with your "christian-ness-ism-ist-itis" you sure tell some pretty wicked jokes lol now i wanna be blind for that joke with the braille......ooo la la braille ^_^.

Subject: Re: Jokes Sat Feb 09, 2008 9:58 pm

lolz Yea redd.

Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown."

The little guy faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to consiousness, shaking him.

The big guy says:"What's wrong with you?"

In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me..... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says: "Turner Brown?

Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around".

Politics

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him . He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed .

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit"

Subject: Re: Jokes Sat Feb 09, 2008 10:55 pm

LOL... Turn around hehe

Subject: Re: Jokes Sun Feb 10, 2008 11:14 pm

Wise Old Man

	A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action. The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans. After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans." The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. "Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?" "A freakin' quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, dude. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

Subject: Re: Jokes Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:35 pm

Lolz...foolish little boys..

Subject: Re: Jokes Sat Feb 16, 2008 10:35 pm

Poor Old Man

	An old man is sitting on a park bench crying. A young man is walking by and asks him why he's crying. The old man says, "I'm retired and I have lots of money, a huge luxury apartment, a beautiful 25 year old wife who loves me and has sex with me twice a day" The young man says, "Well then why the hell are you crying!?" The old man replies, "I can't remember where I live!"

Subject: Re: Jokes Sat Feb 16, 2008 10:37 pm

Those Lovely Farmer's Daughters

	A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?'' "No," the farmer said. The second beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?'' "No." The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. ''Hello, my name is Chuck.'' The farmer shot Chuck.

Subject: Re: Jokes Sun Feb 17, 2008 12:07 am

Gee, I wonder why chuck had to die (lol) He was probably black....bloody rednecks (ha ha!) ^_^

Subject: Re: Jokes Sun Feb 17, 2008 8:49 pm

haha, one can only guess why chuck died

Subject: Re: Jokes Sun Feb 17, 2008 8:57 pm

Aww poor old man can't remember where he lives...yo old man since yo rich come by me..I'll give u sex 4 times a day lolzz (Beverly did not typed that, itz her twin)....lolz..

chuck.....

Subject: Re: Jokes Sun Feb 17, 2008 10:16 pm

Because his name is Chuck haha....

Edit: Guys named chuck are no good.. trust me, i have a pervy neighbour named "Chuck" as proof.

Subject: Re: Jokes Sun Feb 17, 2008 10:36 pm

bev gettin wicked LOL

Yeah n look at Chuck in gossip girl lol

Subject: Re: Jokes Sun Feb 17, 2008 11:15 pm

Sex Therapy - Florida Style

	A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye. The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?" The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare...!

Subject: Re: Jokes Mon Feb 18, 2008 2:08 am

But seriously tho...i wouldn't mind being chuck in this situation if he didn't had to die haha!

Oh gosh betervawagatin(beverly) gettin on baaad (sex up all ova d place) ayo walk with condoms n shizz.

Subject: Re: Jokes Mon Feb 18, 2008 9:30 pm

lolz...The old ppl r right!

lolz Redd....my twin was really getting on...